It's never a good idea – especially in a horror flick – when a pair of dorky animal rights nuts decide to break into a research facility, free some test subjects and wreck the joint. It's an even worse idea when they decide to liberate the "very sad and very lonely" mutant Tasmanian Devil named "Precious" that's kept in the kind of cage usually reserved for some sort of howling mutant protoplasm in a Paul Naschy flick.

If you've already jumped to the conclusion that "Precious" will gut the two well-meaning bunny huggers, then you're just the kind of person for whom director Ray Knyrim made this gory, fun flick. If you've also figured out that "Precious" will cross paths with a gang of amateur filmmakers shooting a no-budget tits and gore zombie flick in the nearby cemetery, then I want to party with you.

PHANTASM series star Reggie Bannister plays Belmont, a researcher with a list of secrets almost as long as his pony tail. It seems that "Precious" was once the family pet, but went apeshit (or should that be Tasmanian Devilshit?) and killed his wife. His son Hunter (Peter Stickles), who was rather attached to the murderous creature, is turning 21 and instead of hanging with Dad (who looks like he probably has access to some bitching pharmaceuticals and medical marijuana) heads off with a vanload of characters so stereotypical that I'm not even sure why they bothered with names beyond Slutty Chick (who deep throats a lollipop and looks like a hot version of Tara Reid), Stoner Dude and Greaseball. In other words, a group of "friends" that would ONLY be believable in a low-budget horror flick about a mutant Looney Tunes character.

The gang of filmmakers, rounded out by a chick named Kym (Nicole DuPort) who appears to have some sort of attraction to Hunter, reach the woods and begin shooting, only to encounter a drunken caretaker and his two idiot hillbilly sons. Lucky for "Precious" other Future Dead of America include a pair of hippie hitchhikers (played by Greg Nicotero and Howard Berger of KNB Efx Group), a jogger, and some more random bags of flesh and bone.

With a creature that bears more than a passing resemblance to the title creature from 1986's RAWHEAD REX, CEMETERY GATES takes a little time building up a head of steam but doesn't fail to disappoint. Just when I thought all the violent bloodletting was going to take place off-screen leaving us with nothing but disappointing aftermath shots, Knyrim amps up the gore and keeps his foot on the accelerator till the credits roll.

If you like limbs torn off, dead hicks, dead hippies, rivers of blood, topless chicks and pompous pontificating like "movies are the poetry of the new millennium" from a guy making a Z-grade topless campers movie, then CEMETERY GATES is right up your alley.