Exploitation Retrospect | The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media
Dreams of Salome (2009)
Undergound Video | Buy at Underground Video | Review by Sinferno

"Who is that hot looking MORTAL KOMBAT2 character at right?" you might be asking yourself. Well I am here with the infallible knowledge of a film reviewer to tell you that is no MK2 character, that is Salome (pronounced Solemn Hey) though oddly enough she does have a finishing move which you will never see in a video game (more on this later). DREAMS OF SALOME is loosely based on the story of the insatiable spirit of the daughter of King Herod who infests the dreams and the waking moments of a hot brunette women and forces her to do things, spur of the moment sexual things that are beyond dirty (again more on that later).

When the movie begins we hear the voice over of a beautiful brunette woman writing; writhing about how she often becomes infested with the spirit of Salome, We are treated to a lengthy masturbation sequence as she engages in self exploration, featuring an admittedly compelling soundtrack that sounds like it was pulled straight from some Imax movie about "Treasures of the Middle East" or something like that. Moreover, when coupled with the instrumental audio and extreme close ups that allow you to count the follicles of hair on her body the viewer feels as if they have been taken on an exotic journey indeed, one that almost made them feel at times they were being lifted out of their seat on a mystical flight of fancy and liable to fall in a giant meat cave. As I watched this thing, noticing how she has been self-indulging for a full twenty minutes without popping I had to check the label to make sure it was an "Underground Video" (TM). After the last one, War Victims I couldn't believe the subtlety of the current film, a twenty minute plus masturbation sequence with sporadic voice-over talking about the sweet, hot symbolism of it all? To be frank it all seems like something from the lesbian market as they dig this sort of atmospheric, low pressure, slow moving scenes as the camera panned in and out randomly focusing on the places viewers actually cared about. Of course then she climaxes and the camera (in typical EXTREME close up fashion) shows her sitting upright, pissing into some sort of vessel. What the hell??? Why Salome, Why???? You were supposed to go number three, not number one!

I paused the film for a moment, poured a glass of Milwaukee liquid courage and swished it between my teeth a bit as it somehow went sour in my mouth. "You are better than this, Sin." A voice in my head suddenly said, "You have seen gallons, oceans of fake blood spilled before in your film reviewing career, what's a little piss?" But it's just such... bad.... timing I tried to answer. You can do it, something within me continued, wasn't it you who sat through the Guinea Pig boxed set on a single sitting? "Yes", I said. The voice continued, Wasn't it you who as a kid, put in a Faces of Death VHS tape and convinced your grandmother it was the six o'clock news? "Yes" I said laughing, that was me (she never watched the TV again). Well get yourself another beer or three, finish the movie and let the piss flow where it may. Who knows, maybe another girl might show up or something and punish Salome for her ill toilet habits? You wouldn't want to miss that, would you champ? "You are so wise and temperate," I said to myself as I tore into a new twelve pack.

When the film resumes Salome (our princess and the pee) is practicing her belly dancing in anticipation of meeting the King. While the woman who plays her wasn't Middle Eastern nor the setting accurate in the least, her outfit was surprisingly authentic looking and her moves while not truly convincing were alluring enough to match the sexy "classical sitar" music which again returned as the background theme. Just as I found myself again wanting, needing to know what the hell she was going to do next, the scene changes to a different girl, who was identified as Yasmine her sweat slave. A sweat slave? What is that, you may ask? If you think that it's a manager of a high school football team who collects all the used towels and uniforms, you have no culture. Apparently a sweat slave is a smokin' hot blonde girl who slowly gets undressed and salivates all over herself, with white gelatinous strands of jizz looking saliva. Yasmine drools, gasps she rubs it it in, then drools some more. And much as I always suspect in the case of movies where one human being seems capable of an endless reservoir of biological wetness and or juices I am assuming our little spit princess is secretly gargling unflavored gelatin off camera or having the benefit of multiple takes. Eventually she is clean and Salome comes into the room to be tended. Yes. I said. Yes. Yes. Yes! Our two leaky lesbians start to dance and groove together and Yasmine starts to spit, drool over Salome leaving "silver strands which will ornament her body for her meeting the king" as detailed by female voice who narrates the not so occasional moments of this film. Normally a Porno doesn't need a narration, but in the case of Salome it's a welcome addition because the sexy voice-over always is very informative and insanely pretentious. For example, when they tell me moments later that the saliva from Yasmine will combine with the perspiration of Salome to create an elixir, a perfume that the king will find irresistible. I find myself at least accepting this explanation. God bless desensitization! From there a naked Salome gets down on the floor and I think I know what's going to happen next, Praise the sweet brain dead repetition of adult film, cause right now I really needed a familiar sight, so lost; far from home I was. No sooner did I think this than a naked Yasmine squats before Salome and pisses on her stomach. Hey! I said, she was supposed to be her sweat slave not her Pee-on! Of course the narration tries to put me at ease once again by explaining:

"But there is more... she will pleasure me as I am bathed in her wetness. My cunt will glisten with the shiny droplets of wetness. That signal my arousal and a new perfume will fill the air."

Well isn't that a douche commercial of the damned? I thought to myself. The scene ends with a girl on girl horizontal dance without the benefit of clothes, restrictions and veils of any kind. And I know what you are probably wondering but you can relax, it seems this was filmed in a separate take as Salome seems dry now except of course for the one area you wouldn't want her to be. As weird as it was, at least I consoled myself, reminding myself that this was at least a form of sex going on, that it wasn't just like the last "underground" film where women are chained to the ceiling and beat for 30 minutes for no apparent reason whatsoever. Besides at least the plot was progressing; going somewhere, I had to admit. I mean seriously, if this is how this chick got ready for a date, can you imagine the things she will do with the king? Oh sweet Salome, you are such a tease.

Salome arrives at the king's and through the benefit of voice over we learn that because she didn't want to do her erotic dance before the king she was sentenced to be whipped. No Dammit, No! As she is stripped naked, hung from her wrist and a fly's eye view camera lens continues to explore her hot body while she is beat, I couldn't help but ask why. Not the beating, I had accepted that the minute I saw her hanging there. But why did she spend the past forty minutes getting ready for a liaison with the king, only to refuse him now? Of course the narration of Salome was there to comfort me with her usual bi-polar/bi-curious female wisdom.

"There are times when the pleasure is spiced with pain, to say that these times were any less pleasurable would be to lie."

Of course, I said. Duh! Why didn't I think of that? After this, suddenly the film ends, promising future volumes. As Salome herself might say, "Be sure to drink of them all like so many jeweled goblets of piss."

Sinferno Says...
Yucko/Neato Factor: This one made me actually stop the DVD player for a moment. I may not agree with depictions of a woman getting the piss beat out of her (However literally). But I have to concede this. Moreover, It punished, damaged me psychologically every time I tried to get turned on by it, if that isn't S+M, I don't know what is.
Production Values: For a movie with two and a half people in it (two women and the whipping arm of a torture master) it wasn't awful. Blue screen work during the torture sequence was very bad. Great atmospheric music, slow pacing, and complete lack of male characters actually resembles high end lesbian porn.
Realism: The actual Biblical story of Salome is much worse. In it she seduces her father, King Herod in order to get him to agree to behead John The Baptist (Jesus' Cousin). When the severed head is brought to her she kisses it and is executed for it at once. While I can't see how this would make a decent porno (despite all the getting head jokes) look what they did with Caligula? Admittedly while most exploitation films I see fly in the face of historical accuracy this one pisses in it.
Value for Price: For $70.00 if you don't like piss you better give it a pass.
Plot: Salome beating off/getting pissed on. Salome getting pissed off/getting beat on.

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