Review by Louis Fowler |
Available from MTI Home Video
Is THE DROP a student film or something? Did I miss a contest of some sort? Does MTI have an open submissions policy? These questions have to all be yes, because there is no possible way that THE DROP could have been made by anyone but a 19-year-old, bereted, pretentiously coffee-house coiffed community college douche bag with a mini hard-on for (and probably giant poster of) RESERVOIR DOGS. This can be the only reason for him to throw every Goddamned annoying cliché he could think of into this film, almost to the point that it feels like you're watching an entry in the SCARY MOVIE series.
Carter (a wholly unappealing Michael Bondies) is a college student in need of some cash. He takes a job delivering a car for five grand. Of course, it's too good to be true and, in a fit of curiosity, opens up the trunk to discover a brief case, that, when opened, emits a blue light. We soon learn that whatever is inside is wanted by the Devil, to apparently jump-start the apocalypse. The Devil, by the way, is played off as a gangster, with bumbling goons, and is aided by a man-I-remember-her-when-she-was-hit-what-the-fuck-happened Sean Young, as a former angel indebted to said Devil.
That's right – it's Tarantino does THE PROPHECY, something I can honestly say I never wanted to see.
Director Kevin (MALIBU SPRING BREAK) Lewis tries his dangest, failing on every level. For instance, we never once see what's in the briefcase. I know that he would say that “it's scarier to imagine it” or “it's an homage to PULP FICTION ”, when everyone knows it was done for lazy, budgetary reasons. Also, it's filmed in an unlit parking garage the whole time, adding to the confusion, which, isn't helped by the approximately 1,483, 213 "edgy" jump cuts, which constantly replay images best left forgotten – Sean Young fantasy sequence, I'm looking in your direction.
So I happily expected THE DROP to be the worst film I watched this evening, but lucky for me, SWEET INSANITY, another MTI release, had the distinct honor of being even worse. Thanks, SWEET INSANITY.
As I watching it, formulating what I would say in this review, I thought about SPINAL TAP and the two-word review for their album 'Shark Sandwich,' the concise "Shit Sandwich". I so badly wanted to have a two-word review, the short and sweet "Shit Insanity," but that might not get the point across as well.
I turned SWEET INSANITY off at the 29-minute mark. In those 29 minutes, a group of 40-year-old dinner theater rejects put their ball caps on backwards and try to act as hip high-schoolers, using slang that went out ten years ago while wandering through the hallways and harassing one of the film's hundred of bearded, town kook red-herring types who shout things like "Jesus don't live here anymore!" and then are promptly dispatched by an unseen slasher. Who's the killer? Who cares?
Director (and I use that term loosely) Daniel Hess, who displays all the cinematic talent of a drunken frat boy video taping an initiation circle jerk, co-wrote the script, which was apparently based on a short story that he wrote with a friend.
Yes, it took two people to write the short story this was based on. Amazing.
I'm not one to dump on straight-to-video films just because of their pedigree – I'll gladly rent a KILLA SEASON or BLOODFIST 4 over a MR. AND MRS. SMITH anyday – just because you're skipping theaters, have less money and resources and possibly no talent doesn't mean you have to create the most marginal films possible. Take some notes there, straight to DVD producers.
