20th
Century Fox Home Video | Review by Dan Taylor
With
JAWS getting a much-deserved 25th Anniversary
release, one wonders if we'll see a return
to the Big Beast flicks of the mid-to-late
70s and early 80s. Sure, the big toothy
one is certainly the grandaddy of the genre,
as well as one of its most winning entries
from a script and character standpoint,
but that just made it easy to forget such
classics as TENTACLES (big octopus + Shelly
Winter), GRIZZLY
(big bear), FOOD OF THE GODS (big everything)
and HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP (big, sex-crazed
gill people).
So what's a two-bit hack like
Steve Miner to do? How about thank the gods
in heaven when David E. Kelley (ie, hot
tv guy of the moment) wants to make LAKE
PLACID, which is little more than JAWS IN
MAINE with a crocodile filling in for the
Great White Shark. Actually, LP is more
akin to Joe Dante's JAWS-inspired PIRANHA
than the source material, but that's fodder
for a totally separate argument.
After some pleasantly unexpected
gore in the first few minutes (not that
the killing was unexpected, but the level
of gore certainly earned the flick more
than a passing notice from this reviewer),
the scenery shifts to NYC where the perky
and lovely Bridget Fonda is laboring as
a jilted paleontologist. But not for long.
In what I found a kinda confusing and strained
twist, Fonda's boss sends her to Maine to
assist in the identification of the lake
creature. Just so he can lay pipe with his
new babe without BF hangin' 'round? Dude,
that's when you try and work the two of
them into the sack together or at least
get a good hair-pulling, sweater-ripping
catfight going in the lunchroom! Me finds
it a bit of a stretch, but what the hell?
Central Casting is filled
out by the stock Big Monster Flick Personnel.
There's the Cute Fish & Game Guy That
Doesn't Want to Pop a Boner for Bridget
Fonda (Bill Pullman); The Gruff But Lovable
Small Town Sheriff You Just Know'll Come
Through in the End (Brendan Gleason); The
Kooky Rich Guy With the Bad Wig Who Thinks
Crocodiles Are God-Like and Wants to Swim
with Them (Oliver Platt); and, The Sociopathic
Foul-Mouthed Old Lady (the hard-to-look-at
Betty White).
This motley crew spends the
next 70 minutes spewing Kelley's hip and
ironic dialogue (which some people told
me was supposed to be uproarious) while
they run, swim, fly, and hide from Stan
Winston's special effectsy croc.
Yawn. While Miner has certainly
graduated from his woefully inept early
work (FRIDAY THE 13TH 2 & 3, HOUSE,
SOUL MAN, WARLOCK) and recent slasher homages
(the painful H20: HALLOWEEN), LAKE PLACID
lacks any of the crackle or spark of say
PIRANHA... or even GRIZZLY.
Hell, with zero real jolts and only a couple
low-key laughs (thanks to Platt's keen timing)
the laborious UP FROM THE DEPTHS is more
entertaining!
After the likes of this, ANACONDA,
and DEEP BLUE SEA, I wonder if we're not
already knee-deep in a genre rebirth.
